A dream wherein I have every sensation that I’m on a winding forest path, complete with damp air, bird song, Life going about its business, but what I see around me is your four walls the sleep-flattened pillows the coffee machine left warming the pot when you go. —K. Sansoucie, 2019
Notes from the inside This inner world; We show each other these as best as we can, Trying not to miss anything important If I'm not paying attention, You may slip. I can’t catch you If I don’t know Where you've gone, inside. We rescue ourselves and This is understood, But the fact that I … Continue reading Entry 8619- All my friends are lonely / Pt. 1
"I will sing while you croak, I will dance over your dirty corpse..." And the story of Tania's cunt Four men came on the train, Two talking about “God is good” and the other pair flung their weight into the corner seats, across the way from each other. The others were whispering "God is good" … Continue reading Entry 7/1/19 — The Air Between Us
Not another sad poem I don't want to write another Lost-in-the-night-of-my-soul, Moonlight to guide me, But the heavy's getting old, Down by the river, Numbing my feet in the water Waiting for "you'll get used to it" to come That, or hiding In the sun of my memory Kind of poem. But it's all I … Continue reading Entry, after a long while: In the empty
I've been returning to myself, lately. I recognized some time ago that I had gone very far away from who I once knew myself to be, and the lethargy, illness, and stress of being lost inside caused me to rattle the cage until I was out. I wouldn't say "free", because freedom is a state … Continue reading Entry 1.14.17: Returning
The past meets me at my doorstep, in the mirror, in a crowd of faces, in the playlist on shuffle- yesterday sings to me. I've searched for new sounds, but I'm not immune to the siren call I knew so well- this disturbs me, ever slightly. This interruption means the trickster Mercury is at the … Continue reading Entry 12.20.16 – The trickster effect and a new year
My love, he's so tired and I stand by, face facing the wet pavement, I know what the sky looks like. But the weight made my head heavy, my neck aches All I have is my heart in my pocket, out of sight, to not be a bother, a burden because he will care. He … Continue reading Entry 112016 – He’s so tired and I stand by
We are all much like flowers in the dark of night, awaiting the arrival of the sun, beneath natural forces, yet of it all. Soaking up hungrily, drinking giddily, what we can from what we've grown. Rooted, we are no different from the earth beneath us. We may raise our heads to worship above- the … Continue reading Entry 111916 – Flowers in the dark of night
The first to congratulate the one who does a fine trick, Your concept of quality (you proudly proclaim it as such) is quantity wrapped in a bow, sir. They do put on a good show, I'll give you that. I'd give you more, if you could see what was before you instead of looking above, … Continue reading Entry 111216- You like a good show
My grandmother told me, She said, her mother, Ruth, sat at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee warming her hands, waiting for her husband to come home and kiss her and tell her good things. Oh, how she loved to be told good things. Her sons all went about their business- tumbling in the … Continue reading Entry 102716 – Music on the hill
The devil follows me He makes pacts with my shadow I stand by helplessly, I stay away So he stays away from you Have mercy, For he does not The rivers call, but I stay dry They renew, a reminder of my old self The waters rush by, caressing rocks, carrying fish and fallen leaves, … Continue reading Entry 91515 – Devil in Shadow
In the night, at first, I painted pictures of my insides with words. The tired eyes, still and icy, inviting as winter snow deepened, followed the lines, learning me. Leaning over the barrier built of quiet struggles, handfuls of dirt up around the old firepit of love. The meeting left me naked, shaking. Cold. Awake. … Continue reading Entry 61015 – Softly Built
The autumn garden in late afternoon sun.Spring gardens get the glut of our attention for their buzzing, dripping, luscious display of new life. The bright green of new leaves bursting from buds and the many-colored petals surround us, echoing bird songs and the scratching of other newborn tree-dwellers scampering up the bark and home. It's … Continue reading What We Can Learn from the Autumn Garden
It rings in my ears, the words "why are you showing me this?" Already insecure that my past The dimly-lit corners of my self would be an obstacle to being loved, "Why are you showing me this?" made me want to hide away, Good God, hide away and forget I ever let the light shine … Continue reading Entry 82316 – Overexposure
As I sit sipping black, sweet coffee, The sun pouring into my room A weight is on my shoulders, though I am not called to duty My heavy heart echoes upward to my mind, though no one is asking anything of me. The gravel in my throat and fire dimmed in my belly are much … Continue reading Entry 72616- Now is the Time of Monsters
With a world waiting under waves, I met you at the surface Your home was within sight, under the moon, alone. It seemed sturdy yet weightless. Longing crept into me, For a home with feather pillows, Where sunlight was Less than a visual effect, Warm and direct. I told you where I came from, Splashed … Continue reading Entry 92115 – Floater
I would run back And turn on all the lights And kiss your lips so hard they bled, Hold your body so hard you bruised me Release you only to return softer, More certain, survivor of my desire. If I hadn't been so different from that, We might've had a chance. Now you have the … Continue reading Entry 92115 – Harsh light on the softest memory
My Response to this magical image: Oh, yes. A poem is A thing that wants to be caught, but only by someone who can and who wants it for exactly what it is. You and I are poems.
What impossible decisions I've made, the weight of them, The scars and time it's taken to heal enough to breath forward. Onto what I know not. It wasn't pulling weeds, It wasn't cutting fat. These impossible determinations, They're a burning heart that makes ashes of fear And hands that tear at brush in the thicker-yet … Continue reading 121615- Grief Song
In the mirror I was not who I had been Before my hair grew long, down past my waist, A mass to take in stride like a sweet memory, Honey silk and thick syrup dripping, suspended, swaying from my tired head. For every inch contained wanting. I cut it one night, I took up the … Continue reading 121615- Cutting Hair
In a shape so clearly made of two halves, a whole, I wonder now if the invisible line that breaks them makes them broken like something shattered- Apart, but not as a quality: the fact of this matter, of the raw formation, Broken things ok with being halves of some whole from which everything flows. … Continue reading Entry 121115- Heart on the Ground
You say I make you happy, always have. Then why the burning at the backs of my heels? This firey weather between us is tiring. The pushing on my spine with hardened fingers, A pressing for the forward march: "you are too slow" in the knuckles. Can you put a constant urging onward, one at … Continue reading Entry 52615 – Either Side of the Fire
Don't we all walk a path Which looks here and there, In shadows it hides and the sun sometimes blinds us? I wondered long and hard over when my feet would lead Where I thought it looked like a leading place lay. If not paved quite, cleared- not thick with thorny brush, But it was. … Continue reading Entry 91615 – Onward
Once I tried to change the story. I opened a new book beside my life as Story, wherein I lay down my misgivings like a lady undressing; At the end of a long journey, reaching a warm, safe place, In the process she apologetically exposes her scars. (How could I start off something good pretending?) The … Continue reading Entry 81915 – From the Highest Shelf
Girls and women paint themselves, Deserving of praise for what abundance they represent- The earth songs their heels sing, step upon step, And the flowers in their hair The vibrant, dying crowns they place Upon their heads, Minds of mystery inside, deep dwelling. You'll meet many, and more Blossom plaited, With mouths and lashes brimming … Continue reading Entry 82315- Flowers in Their Hair
There is one of me and you, and you: you are them. The quiet understanding is that. A meaningful gesture is a smile when thinking of you. A nod of recognition in passing between the you of yourself and in my world, mine. I love you, but there is one of me, and surviving means … Continue reading Entry 81915 – Failing Them
Imagine for a moment that your language is as foreign as the many you don't understand. Your thoughts are jibberish nonsense. You have no tongue. Imagine, for a moment, there's no home in your words. Your ideas are now timeless. Cells renew raceless, Self as you know it exists borderless. Consider this your greatest … Continue reading Entry 72315- Unknowing as an Art
Waking up, it was quiet in the small home I made, of modest yet precious items. Bright petals ripen to life in the sunlight and every unanimated thing rests for use, mine. This is new, still. Home used to be full of choices that weren't my own. Where I grew up, it smelled like butter … Continue reading Entry 71815- Home Made
Just wondering if we speak the same language, words fall heavy on my ears mind rephrases it "don't go, love you so." Heart warms up an embrace on the hearth. You mean to say I've been wrong, I'm sure. Being sorry, I feel more feminine. More worthy than asking if you could change, for once. … Continue reading Entry 71415- Twisted Tongues
The cup overflows; left out in a storm, it did what it could. I watched the glass fill with new drops, pushing out the old, the same element both forceful as it stood defenseless as it fell: itself/another, everything/nothing My thoughts are much the same, these days. Defenseless as they rise up to reframe old … Continue reading Entry 71315- Stand
My twisted belly knows it squeezes, rocks My beating heart knows meaty life-giver My chattering teeth Chipped fingernails know clipped short, still claws My restless feet know "no dancing" say angry heels My red streaked eyes know Burning tears come and go They know what I should've done. They are punishing me for not following … Continue reading Entry 71115- The Well-Deep Thought Mine
The things I wanted to tell you dance fast along in my mind. Nights I sleep on these thoughts. The lines and syllables of unspoken sentiments dissolve into my dreams, into moments -nearly tangible- I have in dreams. They are never like pictures. The ideas about what could be are always in motion. They are … Continue reading Entry 71015- The Things I Wanted to Tell You
The curse can be a blessing if you know how to take it. Into your folds and dimples, the sore spot between your teeth no lover ever noticed. A secret some of us women, with thighs like magnets for eternal questions, learn in time is you don't get good in this body thinking "how to … Continue reading Entry 7615- The No Cry Woman
To navigate with a single eye, One must employ a range of forgotten sensory powers. Inner ears attune to map slopes and peaks by echoes near, and further, and further still. Skin prickles and warms in the air, taking note of the surroundings. We get closer and closer to what we are seeking on this … Continue reading Entry 7715- A Bird with One Wing
We've talked about this before. I'm far from settled, a nomad embracing her pariah skins, bracing for embraces of her weighty history, making quite sure she's suited to stay put, quite ready to dance in one place, to be recognized, "I saw you yesterday. I didn't get your name..." You don't know what this is … Continue reading Entry 61615 – Skins
________________________________ Halved am I, unreachable between worlds. Pulling from one will break me. _________________________________
Don't worry about the bruised and broken chest. Concern yourself with your head, for you have much to decide. Think about what must be done. Breathe into what you've shattered, what's come to pass, pieces, while the taste of the whole is still on your tongue. A beating, blurry vision... was that you, there, or … Continue reading Entry 61015 – Fractured Skull, Round Two
Stop! I see you're bleeding and it's getting everywhere, on everything- the markings of your loss. Rest, it'll slow. When it does, you'll be tired. "Goodness gracious, you ok?" and a sigh from the one who cares, for now. He asks and you cannot respond. You step into a desire for the basics: to survive, … Continue reading Entry 6315: Revival
It's a bad idea to love me, now. There's fruit that goes bad on the vine, you know. Hard and promising turns rancid like nothing. Nature never gives it up. Why press a process to course along an edged stream, lined with hope? Behold: an unfolding. I let go already. All that push, push, rush … Continue reading Entry 52715- Ripe
Earth sounds loud above, ominous thundering breaks my concentration. We know the sun is there, but the light is easily expelled from our vision, our skin, our memory in moments unbearable. I let rain fall on my feet. I let it cleanse what is tired. A chill runs up my legs, and I know I'll … Continue reading Entry 52715- The Veil
We don't always show the raw ingredients of our present emotions. Some need time to cook To be tried and tested before any talk of change. Not all of us are simply a list of needs and wishes, a recipe, like you, with 1, 2, 3, 4 steps to the plate. I envy your … Continue reading Entry 52315- Raw
To be known without getting into trouble- A test of concealment, wickedly daunting for the vigorous soul. "You, you are beautiful and you are dishonest", An earthy voice swallows defaming words. Tension rises. She, the reason, who curtains off her passions, cries thick tears. Sheds a cloudy mess of sensation, takes a hot bath … Continue reading Entry 52015- A Mythical Creature, Wanted
It kills me to be this way, One foot on earth. Afraid of entering the deep, Least stable in my element. The line between Flowing/firm, In/out, Here/back there. The invisibly present past waits like a snake, watching for the scent of my presence. Like a thief, he slips in and out into the here, now … Continue reading Entry 51715- The Serpent
Kaitlin Sansoucie 