The things I wanted to tell you
dance fast along in my mind.
Nights I sleep on these thoughts.
The lines and syllables of unspoken sentiments
dissolve into my dreams,
into moments -nearly tangible- I have
in dreams.
They are never like pictures.
The ideas about what could be are
always in motion.
They are blue and green for you
and a spectrum of red shades for me.
They are black smoke and white light
around heavy, swirling bodies of color.
What I wanted to say, it was the wrong time.
My bones shook and I knew the clock cracked.
Still, in my mind I replay a raw reality of conversation.
Breathless, I wait
under the weight of
lost split seconds, looks, now longing.
Out of breath, wet cheeks-
the ones I never showed.
I was used to being sad.
Me around you shocked me.
What I’ve felt and didn’t speak,
echoes a song out of my lungs in the early mornings.
I sing out the joy I knew to the first line of light.
I breathe in the solemn present at the break of dawn.
A new day splits the sky and yes,
I was used to being sad.
Me around you…
Me around you at the break of dawn.
Kaitlin Sansoucie 